


Find Your Happiness

by imnotmadeofeyes



Series: A Tale Of Teenage Love [1]
Category: All Time Low, Bandom
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Drabble, Gen, High School AU, Jack is in love, M/M, Unrequited Love, alex is oblivious, at least somehow, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 02:44:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2835206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotmadeofeyes/pseuds/imnotmadeofeyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack is in love with his best friend, and it might just kill him a little bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Find Your Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS AN UNEDITED DRABBLE.  
> It might suck because I wrote it in like an hour and I didn't think it through too much I just needed to get this out because I am in a similar *the same* situation right now and it hurts. Do you ever need to write down what hurts you so you don't feel like you're bursting with sadness anymore? Yeah, totally what happened here, so I abused Jack and Alex instead.  
> Disclaimer: they are not mine, sadly enough.

„Hey Lex, it’s me. Where are you?“

Jack pressed the phone closer to his ear. He could hear loud music and voices in the background – Alex, his best friend had to be in a bar. He rolled his eyes. Obviously he couldn’t wait until Zack and Jack were finished dyeing their hair.

“’m in a bar with Rian and Flyzik, bro, you gotta come” Alex replied – his words were kind of slurred, but since Jack and Alex didn’t actually talk a lot about the phone, Jack wasn’t sure whether this was not just the elder’s phone voice.

“Alright, don’t move, we’re coming. Wait, where are you?”

“Chaos, as always. I’m not moving!” Okay, so maybe Alex had drunk some – he never said dumb shit like that. Well, he said a lot of dumb shit, but never in that tone of voice. Jack sighed; as soon as he didn’t watch over Alex, the boy screwed shit up.

“Ok, we’ll be there in five, see you then” Jack was quick to end the call and then hurry Zack down the street to the bar. It was some small alternative place that Jack hadn’t seen from the inside too many times – mostly because he wasn’t into drinking all too much -, but he knew where it was, and he couldn’t wait to see Alex again.

The thing was, the two boys had now been friends for a couple months: they’d met on a party over a mutual friend, and they’d instantly klicked. It wasn’t long before they texted a lot – Jack was no big texter, and Alex was always on top of his contacts – and found someone they could trust in one another. Alex opened up about his fucked up past – the alcoholic dad, the suicide of his brother – and Jack finally had someone he could go to when the depression threatened to get the best of him yet again. And they didn’t need to talk every day to have that connection: they just knew what the other was thinking. It was comfortable and really kind of gorgeous, and Jack couldn’t get enough.

Maybe, just probably, he’d fallen a teeny tiny bit in love with Alex.

He chatted along with Zack – actually said mutual friend – while they walked over to the Chaos, but the conversation came to an end when they reached the small street in which the bar was located. There were few people outside, and Alex’ wasn’t one of them. Jack sighed, and followed Zack inside. Of course they wouldn’t wait outside.

Alex was in a corner with Austin, Flyzik, Rian and Jenna, part of the group of people the boys hung out with every Friday night. And as soon as said brown-haired boy saw Jack entering the club, he staggered over to him to fall around his neck.

“Jackiiieeeee there you are I thought you wouldn’t come!”

It was blatantly obvious that Alex was shitfaced. Jack sighed again. Of course he’d get drunk on the only fucking day they could see each other. It was a pity they didn’t go to the same school. “Of course I came” Jack wrapped his arms around Alex’ waist, securing the boy who was anything but steady on his feet. “You drank, huh?”

“Yeah” Alex grinned, stuck his tongue out – he had a thing for showing everyone his tongue when he was drunk. Such a dork, Jack thought. “Aaron had vodka and –“

“How many?”

“Eeeeeeeeh, about – two? I think I had two bottles”

“ _Of vodka_?!”

“Yeah”

That’s when Jack knew this wasn’t going to end well. Alex drunk often – he usually knew just how much or how little to drink. But two bottles of vodka – unmixed, even, because he was perverted like that – was a lot even for the older boy. “Let’s get you outside, yeah?” Jack asked, trying to dodge the way Alex was dancing on his side, swaying his hips in that sinful way he only had when he was pissed.

“Ooookay whatever you say!” That bright grin again. Alex would be the death of Jack someday, he was sure.

They got outside, and Alex instantly fished out the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one. He’d picked up that nasty habit from his ex, and he hadn’t stopped after she left him. “You want one?” And Jack took one, of course, because he had picked up that nasty habit from Alex. He wasn’t addicted yet, but he enjoyed some nicotine in his system from time to time. He had a feeling that he was going to need it tonight.

“He’s drunk” Zack stated – he had followed the two boys outside, and Rian and Jenna were on his heels as well. Jack only nodded, once again offering an unsteady Alex an arm around his waist to keep him upright. Alex grinned brightly – that grin should be illegal, really – and leaned into Jack, pressing an everpresent earbud into his ear. He offered the other to Jack, and Jack couldn’t refuse him. Who was he to refuse Alex Gaskarth? So he took the earbud and let the rock music fill his ears. It was something pretty heavy he didn’t know – but they didn’t have much of the same music taste, so it didn’t surprise him.

“How do you get home?” Jack wanted to know from his best friend, after taking yet another deep drag. The others were chatting around them, but he didn’t care. He often only had eyes and ears for Alex when they were together.

“Gotta take the bus” Alex said, pretty loudly. “Jenna sleeps at mine tonight”

Jack looked up, and found their friend nodding her head in affirmation. “Okay. I’m gonna take you home then, alright? You two are pretty drunk, I’m not letting you take the bus now.”

“Ooooh you’re the best Jackie, thanks so much!”

So that’s how Jack got to drive his piss-drunk best friend and his not equally but still drunk friend home. The thing was, they both lived in Baltimore suburbs, not in downtown where the Chaos and their usual meeting point were – and Alex lived basically across town from him. The walk back to the car was one thing: Alex was unsteady on his feet, and had clasped onto Jack’s hand tightly so he could be led by said boy. And Jack wasn’t sure whether he should be amused by his best mate’s antics – he always got cuddly and cute when he was drunk – or whether he should be shocked. Usually, Alex always had full control on his actions, and now he hadn’t and it was … well, it was something new. They’d partied a lot together, yet Jack had never seen him that shitfaced.

They had Flyzik with them who was being picked up by his friend at eleven – meaning they had to wait at the parking lot for a while. Somehow, Jack got Alex situated on a big rock and got some Sprite into him, to sober him up at least a bit. Alex was still unsteady, so Jack let the boy lean on him, wrapped his arms around Alex’ shoulders and started toying with Alex’ hair the way he always did. All the while, they listened to Flyzik and Jenna arguing about love and sex and god-knows-what. Honestly, Jack couldn’t care less.

“Jaaaaack can you write Tay for me? I’m too drunk” Alex lifted his smartphone over his head to show Jack – a very unimpressed Jack. Tay was some girl Alex had met on a party one or two months ago, and they’d been texting ever since, getting along real well. Jack told himself he wasn’t jealous, he told himself every day, but he could see how the girl lit up Alex’ features whenever he got a message of her. He wondered whether Alex looked the same when he got a text from Jack.

Still, Jack joked with her as Alex had requested. He wouldn’t do something dumb, like refuse and let everybody know that he actually wanted Alex for himself. That would be too easy, and he didn’t have any chance anyways. Alex was this gorgeous boy, all tall and handsome, slender and toned, with soft caramel hair and glistening brown eyes, combined with a weird dorky humor, a smile to die for and a quick, independent way of thinking. He was strong and he was kind and he was adorable; contrary to Jack. Jack was tall and skinny, hadn’t grown into his limbs – his body was lanky, his face weird and his hair never did what he wanted, even though he got to at least dye it the way he wanted to (which was blonde streaks in his pitchblack hair). Also, he was that weird emo kid and had a weird style and people just didn’t generally like him.

Long story short: he was glad he had Alex as a friend, he didn’t want to risk that. He didn’t have a chance anyways, he liked to repeat that.

“Thank you Jackie, you’re the best” And then Alex was bold enough to make kissy faces at Jack, complete with closed eyes and adorable little kissing noises. It had Jack’s heart losing its rhythm, and his breath catching in his throat. He wondered why nobody noticed how infatuated he was with his best friend as he let his fingers follow the petite line of Alex’ throat; but maybe it was the touchy-feely, intimate friendship they shared.

It continued like that – soon enough, Flyzik’s friend showed up to pick him up, and then the three of them got in the car: Jack behind the wheel, Alex shotgun, Jenna behind him. They talked idly, but when Ed Sheeran’s _Thinking Out Loud_ came on in the car radio, they all started singing along. Jack was the loudest, but the others sung too, and he could feel Alex’ eyes on him all through the song. He didn’t dare look at the older boy though, kept his eyes on the road. He was screwed, so screwed.

It only got worse when Alex and Jenna started talking about that party they planned on going.

“I’ll bring Jack!” Alex exclaimed.

“I don’t know if it’ll fit with the sleeping arrangements …” Jenna said, hesitating.

“He can sleep on my mattress, we shared before and it all went well!”

Yeah, they had, once before. Jack had spent half the night watching Alex’ beautiful face – not in the creepy Edward Cullen way – and the other half with his nose buried in Alex’ t-shirt, their legs entwined and Alex’ arms thrown around him. It had been a good night, even though he’d only gotten like two hours of sleep. He had been happy then, because he wasn’t used to having somebody to cuddle with anymore after his first and only relationship failed.

He somehow got Alex and Jenna to Alex’ home safe, even though he’d never driven there from downtown in the middle of the night and he’d been at Alex’ with the car a total of once. And when they hugged goodbye, after another shared cigarette, Alex hugged him long and tight, wouldn’t let him go. When they finally disentangled, Alex caught Jack’s hands with his, his fingers hooking into Jack’s to keep him close. “Drive safe, and call me if you don’t know the way”

Jack smiled. It was all these little things – the little comments of how Alex liked him, the shared smiles and private conversation, the tightening of Alex’ grip around his shoulders before he let him go, the way he looked at him – that kept him breathing, kept him believing and hoping that maybe someday Alex would feel the same about him. It was what he dreamed about every night – being held by Alex, Alex admitting his feelings to him. These things made him think that maybe he’d have a chance.

“I won’t get lost, don’t you worry.”

“Alright. Night then, Jack, I’ll see you soon”

“Yeah bye. Don’t kill Jenna with your hangover morning breath tomorrow!”

 

*

 

The next day, they texted – of course they did. Alex apologized for drinking so much, and Jack could finally stop worrying when he heard that he had a killer hangover but was okay otherwise. He couldn’t stop himself; Alex didn’t really have anybody he let close, and somebody had to look after him. It was all Jack wanted: he wanted Alex to be happy. Okay, and he wanted to spend time with him. That was why he was actually really happy when Alex offered they could hang out at Jack’s a couple of days later. He loved hanging out with Alex, especially because they were officially on winter break now and that meant a whole afternoon to themselves.

The days from Saturday to Tuesday passed quickly enough – Jack was busy with grocery shopping, cooking for Christmas Eve and wrapping presents. It was the typical pre-Christmas stress, and he couldn’t wait to escape from it for a while once Alex came over. The boys got comfortable on Jack’s bed – Jack’s head in Alex’ lap, and they did what they could best: they talked.

It was funny, Jack had thought when they’d first gotten close. Usually, Jack could talk about a lot of shit, but he couldn’t voice his feelings, his fears, his doubts, his demons. When talking about those, he needed to write them, because he couldn’t stand to look the person in the eye while doing so. With Alex, it was different: Alex had that kind of personality that Jack couldn’t help but talk to him. He knew that he could trust Alex, and it was so easy to talk to him. He knew exactly what to do, knew exactly what to tell him. It gave him a damn good feeling – finally someone who got him.

Sometimes, it wasn’t as nice though. Today was one of the best examples.

“You know, I spent all weekend at Tay’s. It was really nice.”

Jack swallowed. He’d known of Alex’ plans, but that didn’t make them any better. He already had a bitter taste in his mouth. He couldn’t help but dislike the idea of Alex in that girl’s arms. “And, what’s with you and her?”

“Well, we only cuddled and talked, there was nothing more.”

Jack forced himself to throw Alex a smile. “Yeah but – do you want there to be something?”

Alex at least had the decency to blush at that. “Actually – yeah.”

Jack huffed, trying to sound amused. “I’m glad. She makes you smile.” It wasn’t a usual thing. Alex wasn’t one who trusted people easily – especially his last break-up had fucked him up. But now, as he continued to tell Jack about Tay, the gorgeous girl he was falling for, and all the stupid things they had in common and just how good he got along with her family, he looked happy, and there was that small smile on his face whenever he got another text from her – because they hadn’t hung out in a long while without Tay and Alex texting throughout. Jack loved to see Alex like that, but it shredded his heart in two when he realized what that meant – he would never get his chance with Alex.

It shouldn’t surprise anybody that that ruined his mood. He started getting distant, as he always got when he got sad, and once or twice he had to bite away the tears forming in his eyes. He wanted to be happy for Alex, he really wanted to, especially when she invited him to sleep over yet again. Jack knew that Alex often had problems sleeping, and he missed falling asleep with somebody else; so it was a good thing he had somebody to cuddle again. Even though that someone wasn’t Jack.

“Why are you so sad?” Alex wanted to know eventually, after it’d been silent in the room for a while.

Jack shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

“It has you worrying about it, so it’s not nothing. Don’t keep it to yourself, please.” Usually, Jack needed somebody to talk about whatever was eating at him, and Alex knew how to read him, how to pressure him gently into opening up. But how could he tell his best friend that he was sad because he was in love with him and now he didn’t have a chance and it hurt?

That’s right – he couldn’t.

“It doesn’t matter” Jack repeated. It shouldn’t matter. He shouldn’t have fallen for Alex.

Alex tightened his hold on Jack’s hand where they rested atop of the other on Jack’s stomach. “To me, or to you?”

Jack was silent for a second, stared out of the window. “To both of us.” And so Alex let it slide after a final reminder that he was there if he ever needed somebody to talk to. Jack smiled, a bit sadly, and turned on his side, buried his nose in Alex’ hoodie. He just wanted this day to never end.

But the hours sped by while Alex kept talking and talking and Jack listened and listened. They talked about all kinds of stuff, some serious, some school, some mocking or just funny. And before they knew, it was time to leave – Jack had offered to drop Alex off where Tay could pick him up more easily, because he had to buy some final stuff for Christmas dinner anyways. It was the parking lot by their meeting point, right in the center of the city; it was easy to reach and easy to park and generally a good point where Jack enjoyed being. It was a place he loved to share with Alex.

While they were waiting, out in the breezy but not too cold December night, they had another cigarette together, the last of the pack Jack had bought in his stress of finals week.

“You’re lucky, you know?” Jack said, watching the Christmas lights swaying in the wind. “You have someone to fall asleep with.”

Alex smiled. “Yeah” They smoked in silence, only sometimes losing one or another comment about the cars coming and going. Alex was giddy, couldn’t wait until he got back to the girl he was about to start a relationship with. Jack wondered how much more time they would need to make things official – a week, two? And soon they’d be inseparable and Jack wouldn’t see any of Alex unless he was feeling bad, and in the end Jack would be the one to pick up the pieces, because that was just who he was – the best friend that was there even when the girl left.

Finally, the hunky black Range Rover held in front of them, and Alex’ whole face lit up when he saw Tay picking him up. “Bye Jack!” he cheered, hugging him shortly before climbing into the car. The hug was loose, one-armed, and left Jack feeling even more broken than before. He was already being left behind, and he couldn’t even do anything about that.

“Bye Alex – Merry Christmas!” But the greetings were swallowed by the sound of a car door slamming shut. Jack didn’t watch them drive off though. He crossed the car park, climbed into his cheap, old silver vehicle and drove off in front of Tay’s car, speeding down the street the opposite direction of the boy he was in love with, furiously wiping his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry just because Alex had found a new girl.

“Find your happiness, Lex” Jack mumbled, even though Alex couldn’t hear him. He would stand back and wait for him.


End file.
